Au Revoir, Paris

And so closes a too-short chapter of ma vie. I can't help but wonder where I'll go from here. Will I ever flâne through your streets again, rainy Paris?

I cannot even begin to describe the emotions I'm experiencing right now. It's a little bit like leaving behind a friend, or a lover, for an indeterminate amount of time, but it's more than that, even. I'm leaving behind a part of myself - because I discovered so much about myself here, and I have discovered that so much of me is here.

It's very similar to the way I felt when we moved from the only house I'd lived in for 18 years. Except in that house I spilled oil on the rug, I drew a self-portrait on the wall, I chipped off part of the countertop when I busted my lip on it. Here, I don't feel like I've been able to leave my mark, so the departure is more like ending a relationship to which I'm just beginning to devote myself.

I cannot imagine who I would be, what I'd be doing, where I'd be going today if I had not studied in Paris. Being here, away from every jugement, every sticky-situation, and every important life-changing decision, is like being stuck in time - time allotted specifically for me and my self-discovery.

I feel so incredibly lucky to have had this experience, and I know it will affect the way I live the rest of my life. I love Paris.

l'homme nerveux

You can always tell who are the tourists on the metro: those grey-suited businessmen nervously clutching their fanny packs, glancing suspiciously at the other occupants of the car. They never can anticipate the jerks of the train, and they make uncomfortable faces when they inevitably tumble onto the people they previously expected to pick-pocket them, and they check their fancy American watches every minute or so to make sure they're not running behind - to make sure the metro isn't running behind.

But then, that's how we all started out, I suppose. I remember holding tight to my zippered backpack, glaring at anyone who got too close. I suppose the man could have been starting a new job, a new life, in Paris, and was in the first stages of the adjustment period.

And then he got off at Trocadéro. Clearly a tourist.

Counting down the days...

ahhhhh...I really think I have ADD. I can never focus on one idea. My plans for the future are so widespread and diverse, that one minute I am really excited about a new internship opportunity, etc, and the next minute I am searching online for reality shows to audition for. I mean, I want to do everything! But I only have so many years to do them in. I can't imagine giving up any of my plans, either. And the fulfillment of each would drastically change my life in a different way. gahhhh...where's dr. phil when I need him? Or maybe just a career counselor...too bad they don't have those in France.